I'm heading back up to the Northeast on May 10th and ill be back in Alabama on the 15th, going up to get my stuff from my ex's (a.k.a. the asshole) house, it'll be fun to be back for a while. When I get back i'm going to enlist.....*cringe* yea I know, never thought i would either, but I don't really have any choices left anymore

They made an alternate ending to I Am Legend, which I like better than the theatrical version. But it is still no where near as good as Richard Mathesons ending, which tied in the book title so eloquently. Eh, thats hollywood for ya.

ROCKED MY FUCKING SOCKS OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you haven't seen it yet, go, NOW!

Its a movie about the 60's/70's hippie movement, that uses Beatles songs to help move the story line.

I didn't even like the Beatles, but this movie changed my mind

Note: If you are a drug-user(like I was before I moved here) if the opportunity arises to take acid and watch this movie, do it. The director is this popular artsy dealio.

When I woke up I had Wonderwall by Oasis stuck in my head, which is really weird seeing as I dont really listen to Oasis and the last time I heard that song was a long time ago. Makes me wish I could remember whatever dream I was having, but then again I think id be kinda scared to know honestly. But I had the urge to listen to it when I woke up, then I found out that my laptop didnt want to play music on myspace or youtube. So I had to download it and whatnot, but that got me thinking mabye my laptop didnt want me to listen to it....after I played it my laptop crashed, then I rebooted and tried again, it crashed again. I played other bands and other Oasis songs it was fine. But Wonderwall by Oasis tried to kill my laptop, just thought you all should know.

Heres something I wrote yesterday after a night of no sleep and dealing with government offices all day, I was very out of it
Note: I read it back today and thump-thump makes me giggle, it makes me think of thumper from Bambi

"The very thread of my being is slowly being ripped in a thousand directions by my friends and family, my wants and  needs, my loves and my dreams. In the darkness I feel myself slowly coming apart at the seams while my fears, my hate, the shadows of my demons feast upon the slow and painful breakdown of my emotions, pick and prod at my indecisiveness, torture my insecurities. The pressure, the pain, is coming at me from every angle; the thread grows taut and finally snaps. My heart, removed from the shell of safety my frail body could provide it, falls to the ground.

Thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump.

And as the fragile organ hits the ground its shatters like glass, nothing left but a blood red dust that slowly floats through the air and settles.

And with nothing left to devour the demons of my deepest darkest fears, fade away into the nothingness of eternity. And as silence falls over this place, a thin layer of broken glass creates the illusion of fire as it refracts the light of the coming dawn.

....thump-thump"

I was doing so well, at least I think I was, I could get up every day and even if I was sad I could just push it aside and go find something to do. Even when I was home alone for a week with only a dog for company, I still found ways to keep the loneliness at bay. But since they've been home, and telling me about how much fun they had on the cruise, and them just being here together made me realize how lonely I am. I had gotten so used to it when I got here, because I live here with them, I saw it everyday, and occasionally it would make me sad, but I grew numb towards it. But after a week of not seeing it, it knocked me out of my self-induced apathy, besides being out of the house for the first time in a week and seeing the Valentines merchandise and couples everywhere, it all sunk me into a bit of depression, even when I talked to my boyfriend today I got sad and thats usually the one of the few good things about my day. I'm just hoping that the sadness will pass soon enough, its not really anyones fault, i've just never been any good at being alone.

Apparently Barak Obama has more in common with the Insane Clown Posse than anyone had thought.

http://my.barackobama.com/page/community/post/roberttidwell/CJ2t

Also, I received the Obama yard sign today that Megan ordered, and after 20 minutes of putting it together, I went outside and placed it in the yard. Then I took a step back to admire it, and after a minute glanced around nervously and rushed inside. There was a reason for the haste.

To explain the sudden paranoia I felt I must explain where I live.

I live in Bluff Park, Alabama; about 10 miles or so outside of downtown Birmingham. Besides the obvious racial tensions of the area, the black supremacist new age Black Panthers in downtown, and the white supremacist old-school KKK in the surrounding country. I'm stuck in the middle, I live in the high-end suburbia right outside of Birmingham, where everyones racist but are too close to the inner city to say anything out loud. But just because there aren't local meetings for KKK, it's obvious how the locals here feel, this community has been around for almost half a century, there has never been a black family living in the area. The only non-wasp family here is an asian family that moved in recently, but even that was vehemently argued against, and the only hispanics allowed in the area are the yard work (sadly, i'm not exaggerating). It is sad and pathetic that everyone here doesn't seem to realize that there was intergration in the schools for a reason.

The people in the area are ALL right-winged conservatives, there a dozens of McCain posters and signs in the area, no-one here seems to realize how badly the republican party has fucked up the country in the last 7 years x.x, and they all still support the war X.X. So when I went outside and set up the Obama sign in my yard, at first I felt an almost self-righteous pride, almost my way of saying :"Fuck you WASP assholes". That was of course until I realized that everyone down here not only supports the second amendment, most of the area are NRA members, and every house in the area owns at least one gun.

And trust me, down here, they do not like change or non-conformists, so i'm going to just chill at home to Alex and Megan get back from their cruise, because Alex knows where the rifle is; I don't like guns at all, not in my hands or in my face.

I'm heading out on Saturday for a place called Wichita Falls, Texas (x.x), where I will be spending a week with my brothers(Alex) girlfriends (Megan) family.

I've never been to Texas, i've never wanted to go to Texas, I dislike Texas as a principle.

So to say the least this will be educational.

Also after the new year, the entire house will be going on a week liquid fast to rid our bodies of toxins and to prepare Alex and Megan for the cruise at the end of January, and since I am the only other occupant of the house i've been volunteered to do so as well. In other words, there will be no food in the house not in liquid form, to keep them from temptation.

On a lighter note, I just got my iron-on transfers for my t-shirts, woot-ness. I want to get screen-press materials but at the moment that is extremely out of my non-existent money supply. Since my bleach attempt didn't go as well as hoped, i've decided to try a more tried-and-true method until I master the bleach pen and sharpies.

If I don't have a chance to post before, Merry x-mas/ Yule and a Happy New Year ^-^

P.S.
Mosquito ring-tone= 3v1l

Bad Things

-Jess has spyhillis ... x.x, damn

-I don't know when I can go back to Maryland

-I'm becoming a hermit here .... x.x

-I get to go to the dentist in an hour x.x

-I'm stuck here for my b-day (which is tomorrow)

-I miss Bisbee!!!!

-I haven't talked to anyone for more than a half-hour since I've been down here

-Insomnia is kicking my ass

-But boredom is kicking it harder

Good Things

-I have cigarettes, food, a cell phone and internet

-I have a bleach pen, blank tshirts, and ideas woot!

-I finally have new pictures of myself on my myspace

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